In the last week I have asked myself how do I heal from this great loss? the empty spot in the van, at the table, on the couch, and in my heart makes it known he is truly gone. Since January 16, the day of the accident, this has all felt unreal. Its like someone else is going through this and I am just coming along side them to love an support them. In the days since Logan’s passing, on January 21, it has all become too real. This is not someone else it is us. Our little family is now missing a piece. The boy piece that was full of energy, testosterone, and the wrestling of every sister he had the chance to surprise attack.

Our God is great and has a bigger plan than we are allowed to see. I fully trust that He has in mind what is best for us. Its good that God knows us better than we know ourselves. I know my son is safe with God our Father and is being taken care of better than I ever could. After all, God loves Logan with a love that I am not capable of loving. My love is like drop in the bucket compared to the great love God pours out onto His children. I can imagine the arms of my Heavenly Father wrapped around Logan with such great warmth that he would never want to leave His loving embrace.

Let Logan’s life, story, and death be an example to you. I pray your hearts are forever stirred like his was to love the Lord and give his life over to Him. I knew a life before Jesus and it was empty, lonely, and unsettled. Accepting Jesus as my savior was the best and most important decision I ever made. It is a life full of love, peace, and comfort.

January 16 though the 21st were the hardest days of my life, but the peace that God gave me during those days, I have no words to describe it. All I can say is we have an awesome God who fills our every need if we let him. God answers our prayers, but not always in the ways that we think He will. He is perfect and does not make a mistake.

My prayer that week was, “Lord, heal my son and rise him up out of that bed so he can be a testimony that will glorify God.” When I prayed that, God said, “He is already a testimony to me.” His short thirteen years were well planned out by the Lord. Logan has touched peoples lives that we may never get to be aware of. Our lives will be forever altered, but they were forever blessed by him being here. Though it was just a short time he was loaned to us from God. After all, each child we get to have is not ours, they are God’s. So hug your precious children. They are borrowed gifts from the Lord Himself.

So how do we deal with this great loss? Turn to God, lean in closer, and make the Lord the center of our lives. Love and hugs, Ann

Journal entry by Ann and Scott— Jan 30, 2017
Logan Howard Rautio was born in Virginia, MN, on February 27th 2003 to Scott and Ann. He blessed the house with the presence of a boy. He was born in distress and had to be resuscitated. After many ear infections, procedures, and surgeries, Logan was able to hear. He was grateful to hear even if it was only with one ear. Logan played soccer, t-ball, and wrestled. When he was younger his favorite show for many years was Daniel Boone. A day didn’t go by that he wasn’t seen running through the yard wearing his Daniel Boone jacket, carrying his gun named Tick-Licker, a satchel, a powder horn, and of course the coon skin cap. Logan was one with the outdoors. Some of his favorite things to do were starting a camp fire with flint, target practice, and driving any motorized vehicle. He also collected knives with great enthusiasm. Putting a knife in his pocket or strapping one to his leg was all just a part of him getting dressed in the morning. His love of knives overflowed into all his conversations, friendships, and even interactions with strangers. I’m pretty sure if you received a gift from Logan it was either a knife or some kind of weapon.
Logan was so excited to be taller than everyone in the house. I guess he looked at this as a milestone like a parent would compare to their baby’s first steps. Scott admitted Logan’s height surpassing his own just last week and Logan’s faced beamed with pride. Logan was all boy, but also had a gentle heart full of compassion for others. He was always looking for ways to help people and was happy to serve. He loved his mom and would talk with her about all topics including the embarrassing ones. Logan looked up to his father and wanted to be just like him. He recently said to him, “I am strong, but dad you will always be stronger than me.” He also loved his five sisters BreAnna, DeLaney, KaLee, AshLeigh, and JacLynn. He enjoyed doing different things with each of them. I have seen him stand up for them on many occasions. He was always making a plan of protection for various situations. If you needed some advice on how to do something, Logan was sure to give it to you. Logan enjoyed hunting, a special secret handshake, and most of all just simply hanging out with other males to plan their next adventure. Logan valued the men who had invested into his life, as did we.
Logan accepted Jesus as his Savior in the summer of 2014. So his real passion was for Jesus. He wanted everyone to know that Jesus had died for us so that we could have eternal life. We have said many times that his filter was broken. He spoke his mind about everything, but ultimately he really wanted others to have that same assurance that he had. Logan has knelt before the Heavenly Father, Creator of all and has heard the words, well done good and faithful servant.

Journal entry by Scott — Jan 28, 2017
Suffer Well
Introduction:
Have youever been in a spot in your life when it seems there is just one big challenge after another happening to you or your family?
Have you ever asked God why is this happening, and why am I going through this?
Is your hope focused in the proper direction?
If you have suffered or you are suffering right now, you are not alone. God never said life on earth would be easy. Have you ever heard the saying, “God will never give you more than you can handle?” I say God consistently gives us more than we can handle for the purpose of leading us to Him. He wants us to rely on Him.
Do you believe God prepares us for what is to come? Right after Logan was born, Ann and I went on our first date in about four years. While on the date, I got vertigo and ringing in my ears. After a year and a half of doctors appointments, including 24 at the Mayo Clinic, I was diagnosed with Meniers disease. Then Logan was struggling with hearing issues. He had multiple surgeries for tubes and two surgeries to replace his stapes bones with prosthetics. When his sister AshLeigh came along she was born with a hole in her lung and needed to be airlifted from Virginia, MN. to Duluth and was in the NICU for a period of time. Again when JacLynn was born, she had a lung issue too in which she had to be airlifted to the Duluth NICU. The difference this time was that Ann was very sick also and was in the ICU also due to complications. About a day after that, my father had a heart attack. All three were in the hospital at the same time. Following this was a string of deaths in our family. In a two year period, there were seven deaths. The last two years have had many new challenges and two more deaths including Ann’s grandfather and her brother.
You have allheard the saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” One of the reasons thesethings happened to our family was to prepare us for this suffering. So, if we are suffering and we know that God has the plan and that He is in control, what is our role?
Our role is to “Suffer Well.”
What does“Suffer Well” mean?

One way we can suffer well is to ask WHY well. How do we do that? Are you angry and shaking your fist at God? Or are you on your knees and submitting to God and His will? If you are shaking your fist at God, God’s answer is, “Who are you?” In Job, for 37 chapters Job questions God’s decision to take his children and allow him to suffer. Then in chapter 38,when God finally enters the conversation, His answer to Job is “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?” God then proceeds to use creation to demonstrate the truth of Isa 55, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
We are not entitled to an answer from our creator. If you are on your knees and you submit to God’s will, God will give you an answer and show you His goodness. God has shown His goodness in many ways over these last two weeks by the many prayers, encouragement, and the hope that poured out of everyone.

If we must ask “why?” well then we must also hope well. In other words, we must rightly place our hope. We must hope in and for the right things. ​How do we do this? I talked about hope all week and asked that you pray for miracle healing for Logan. Romans 5 1-5 says that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Hope, rightly placed, never disappoints.
If your hope was placed in Logan’s healing, you may be devastated, disappointed, or distraught.
In Job13:15, ​Job says, “Though he slay me, I will hope in Him…” What was Job saying? He was declaring that he was so confident in God’s goodness and justice that if God killed him, Job was certain it was an act of grace! That is hope rightly placed!
If your hope is in the Glory of God through Christ Jesus, you know that God has the plan and that our job is to accept His plan and look for the good in it. I say from time to time; “It is not what happens to you that is most important; it is how you react to what happens to you.” Also, one of my favorite verses is Proverbs 16:9A man can plan his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
I would be willing to bet that most of you are wondering how a family can go through something like this and have the peace and positive attitude that we have. Some of you get it because you have been there. If you have been touched by something this week; if you have seen something in someone that you met at the hospital; or if you have just been feeling like there is something missing in your life, it may be that you are hearing God call you to Him. You have probably heard it all of your life and it is welling up again. You can have the peace and assurance that we have. You can surrender your life to Christ and receive His peace. The world is full of believers…..Will you be a follower?
Please do not take away from this message that we are special people or that we are unique in some way; well we are in the sense that God has richly blessed us by holding us in His loving arms and providing your loving support while we endure this suffering. But what I mean is many are suffering; suffering is universal. So, how do we suffer well? How do we walk through pain well? All of us experience pain. How do we walk through it without being destroyed?
The answer is: We turn to Christ!
We turn toChrist for comfort and then we take it to someone else and comfort them. 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 “3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
If you have walked through any of these last two weeks with us, you have suffered, endured, built new character, and have had hope. If you are not sure that you have the love of Christ in your heart, I urge you to do something about it. If you do have the love of Christ in your heart, I challenge you to use your new character to comfort and encourage someone else.
Thank you for being there for us as Jobs friends.
Job 2:13 “And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke to him, for they saw that his suffering was great.”
If you ever have questions about any of this please ask.

 

Journal entry by Scott — Jan 22, 2017
I/we have been asking, begging, and coveting your prayers for a miracle of healing. Praise God, Logan is eternally healed. Did God answer your prayers? God answers all prayers; he answered all of our prayers. The Great Physician healed Logan eternally last night and forever. How do we process the loss of a big strong 13 year old boy? We have faith. The bible says that all things are done for the glory of God and that God knows everything that has happened or will happen. While this seems tragic here on earth, the heavens are rejoicing and so should we. How do we find comfort? We find comfort in knowing Logan’s fate. We can be certain that he is with his Heavenly Father. I have been to many funerals where there was uncertainty. You can rest assured that Logan is at peace with his “Other Father” as he would say to me.

Where do we go from here spiritually and earthly? Spiritually we rest in God’s infinite wisdom knowing that all that has happened over the past few days will bond us ever closer to a mighty and just God. I know most of you have heard this the other way, but God continually give us MORE than we can handle to draw us closer to Him, so that we realize that we need Him and that we cannot do life on our own. When you/we accepted Christ to be your Lord and Savior, there was no guarantee that life would be easy. How do we go on here on earth? We suffer well. We remember the good times with Logan. We remember all of the lessons learned this week and over the years that we enjoyed with Logan. We remember Logan’s testimony to his faith in God.

Someone said to me a couple days ago, “What happens if Logan does not walk out of here after all of these people, as far as Korea, have been praying for healing?” I didn’t have the answer then, and I don’t think I was allowing those thoughts at that time. But God has made it clear to me now. I don’t know how to say this more clearly or more strongly. God answered our prayers! God loves us and knows what is best for us and Logan. I talked about hope and Romans 5 this week to anyone who would listen. We have endured/persevered through our suffering. We have built character whether we like it or not. Hope can only be in something unseen and can only be achieved through faith in Christ Jesus. What will we do with this new character. If you have been around me at all, you have heard me say, “It is not what happens to you that matters. It is how you react to what happens to you.” Use this new character to help strengthen yourself and others in their faith. Encourage others that are suffering with something you have learned or endured. Maybe you have been searching for that “something” that seems missing in your life, but you never quite knew what it was. Maybe someone has been encouraging to you. Maybe you are longing for the peace and love of Christ that you may have seen in Logan or someone this week. Maybe it is the time in your life that you would like to dedicate your life to Jesus Christ like Logan or like me. If so, or if you would like to talk about it, I am always available or talk to a pastor or elder.

Keep your faith. Learn from what you have endured. Use your new character to bless someone else. Find joy in the certainty that Logan is resting peacefully. Find peace and joy for yourself.

We love you and thank you the help, encouragement, and prayers through our time of difficulty and challenge. Pleas pray for God to fill the enormous hole in our family with His love.

Please join us as we celebrate Logan’s life
Journal entry by Scott — Jan 23, 2017
Logan’s funeral will be held at his church, Mount of Olives Church in Duluth, MN (1500 Swan Lake Rd. Duluth, MN) on Friday, January 27, 2017. Visitation at 10am and Funeral 11am.

Journal entry by Ann — Jan 21, 2017
Logan went to be in the arms of Jesus tonight, no better place to be than in the arms the Savior. Please pray for his 5 sisters, my daughters.
Thank you so much for the prayers, food, and love sent our way. Much love and comfort sent to you all. Ann

This post is from Scott shortly after…

Journal entry by Logan Rautio — Jan 21, 2017
Today, Saturday, January 21, 2017 Logan Howard Rautio went home to be with his Savior Jesus. Please pray for his 5 sweet sisters, and loving parents that he left behind. Funeral arrangements will be posted in the next couple of days.
2 Corinthians 5:1 “For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.
5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.
7 For we live by faith, not by sight.
8 We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”

This post is also from my husband.

Journal entry by Scott — Jan 21, 2017
My son is my friend. My son is a great brother that would protect any of his sisters with his life if needed. My son loves his mother and is her friend. My son is a trusted friend. My son is a respectful, loving, confident, man of God.

When Logan was a little baby, he was so strong. I called him Monkey for many years because he was strong like a monkey. Since he was just little, he wanted to be with me every step of the way. He followed me around always offering assistance. He is a very considerate and helpful. When he was about nine, we decided build a tree fort. We spent all summer in the back yard building it. He worked very hard and it turned out wonderful. He is a stalwart hunting companion. He never whines about being cold or being tired. He loves going to the Mertes shack and to our new hunting spot. This fall we worked together, along with Delaney, to build a tree stand, and he has many plans for more this summer. Last summer we went on long for wheeler rides, and he looks forward to going on his first snowmobile trip now that he can ride his own machine. Thanks to one of his best adult friends, Robin, he collects knives. Robin gave Logan his first knife. While Logan is in the transition to manhood and is striking out in his own direction at times, he still strives to please his father. He has never been shy about giving his “earthly father” a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He regularly offers to rub my back or messages my feet. Each weekend, he offers to cook me an egg sandwich for breakfast. If he thinks he is going to sleep in, he always asks if it is alright. He says, “I know you prefer to eat your breakfast at 7:30. Do you mind if I sleep in?” Logan is my son and friend. I am grateful to God that He gave him to me, for every moment he has been with me on this earth, and I am very proud of him.

Logan regularly professes his willingness to protect his sisters. He is very proud of being the tallest person in our family. (He has been the tallest for a couple of months, but I only recently admitted to it.) He is also very proud of his large muscles. He regularly compares his arms to his sister’s arms. They usually tell him that they are glad his arms are bigger because they don’t want big man arms anyway. He has something special with each of his sisters that they will each treasure for the rest of their lives. If you don’t already, treasure the time you have with your siblings. Logan is not perfect, but he loves each and every sister more than they will ever know.

When Logan and I were on hunting/camping trips, I would attempt to tease him about “missing his Mommy.” It never embarrassed him. He would say, “Of course I miss her dad; I love my mommy.” He is Ann’s friend. They continually giggle about things I cannot understand. I can only laugh at them, not with them, because I do not understand their sense of humor, at times. It is funny to them; that’s all that matters. Every night he makes sure to give one of his unique kisses to his mommy first. He has never been too big or too old to kiss his mommy. Logan understands that his mommy has his best interest in mind at all times and that, of everyone in his life, she has the most patience living kindness for him. Especially with his hearing loss and multiple surgeries. Logan knows that he is her most precious little boy.

Many of Logan’s friends have come to visit him over the last few days. They theme is the same; they don’t know of anyone Logan dosen’t like; he likes everyone. He has a great sense of humor, and he loves God. Two of his friends stood in his room today telling me of the great fun they had together and how they are looking forward to the annual hockey game at Logan’s birthday party in February. One of Logan’s friends let it slip that Logan had been proposed to the night before the accident. Apparently the sincere request for matrimony was not successfully dodged on the first two attempts. On the third attempt, Logan had to be firm and ask that they remain friends. I hold back the name of the very young lady so as to protect her feelings and future prospects. Of course if she were able to sway him some day, I would be honored if Logan were to change his mind. She would make a fine wife, I’m sure. Logan is around females allot and he loves them, but he is always longing to hang out with his buddy’s, his friends. He looks for the good in each of his friends and loved them for it.

Logan wore his faith on his sleeve. He had a special bond with our neighbor, “Mr Ken” who recently went to be with the Lord. Logan did yard work for him for the last five years or so. After the first work day, I went to Ken to ask him how Logan performed. Ken said that the first thing Logan wanted to know is if Ken was going to go to heaven. Ken was sick with cancer, you see. I asked Ken if he was offended by Logan’s questioning and persistence. He said it was refreshing and continued to employ Logan. Sometimes Logan would come home from Ken’s house and say, all we did was talk, should I give his money back? Ken said he just enjoyed talking to him and learning about Logan’s faith in Christ. If I doubted something Logan said he would tell me, “I want you to believe me daddy, but if you don’t it’s OK because God knows I’m not lying.” When I would tease him saying that I know everything; he would say that it was not so, only his heavenly Father knows everything. Logan went to church willingly; there was no dragging him to church. He likes the youth group and learning from Jase and the others. I am thankful for Logan’s love of the Lord. I will never forget when Ann came to me so full of happiness and delight that Logan prayed with her in the garden to dedicate his life to Christ. What a joy for our family.

Logan is a precious part of God’s plan. For that, we are thankful.

update
Journal entry by Logan Rautio — Jan 20, 2017
The news we have received from doctors is not encouraging. Logan has severe brain damage from lack of oxygen. The spinal cord injury is also very severe. Neither of these is repairable or reversible. They don’t expect him to wake up. If he were to wake up he would never walk again. He would be paralyzed from the neck down and probably unaware and scared of his surroundings.
BUT the Lord is good He is watching over us. I have hope I know at any moment God can move and heal my boy. Please pray for complete healing of health. And Comfort for my 5 daughters during this difficult time. Ann

I finally got the courage! I wrote this in the middle of the night while listening to the respirator breath for him.

Journal entry by Ann Rautio — Jan 19, 2017
I fell in love the day I found out I was pregnant. Just the thoughts of my baby lovingly being woven together by the Creator’s hands brought me great joy. Then the first pictures inside the womb getting to see a glimpse of God’s handiwork. Feeling the first sweet flutterings of movement to the ninja moves with karate kicks. Our lives changed February 27th, 2003 when Logan Howard Rautio was born with two sisters to claim him as their own!
In bringing home our precious baby boy we could not know the heart changing journeys he would bring us on. We have been blessed to share in all these joys and trials.
For those who have had the pleasure of talking with Logan you could easily see his kind heart full of compassion for others. Though you would have also been quickly made aware that he has no filter! He said what he thought and spoke his heart through that same broken filter.
I am in love with his gentle, loving nature. I love his eyes that sparkle with joy. I love his strength inside and out. I love the way he is always getting ideas, thinking, and coming up with solutions to fix everything and everyone. I love his heart that is filled with compassion and love. I love the scars on his arms and legs which I’m sure he’d like to claim came from a battle with knives, but really came from scratching scabs. Even the mosquitos loved him! I love his passion for the outdoors. If he could live in the woods he would. I love his passion for history and his aversion to grammar. I love how he read the Bible nightly and read the Scripture of the day when woke up. I love his enveloping hugs. I love the way sought out Scripture to help him with life.
I love my sweet, sweet boy. But most of all I love the way he loves Jesus!
Thank you for all the love, time, prayers, support, and food Love and hugs, Ann (mom)