more on joy

Journal entry by Ann — May 26, 2018
As I look in the mirror I can easily see I am not the same.
The fine lines that have formed on my face are they from the stress of grief or just signs of age. There is a sadness in my eyes that has become a permanent addition.
My feet that I was given to bring me places to serve others have become slow, clumsy, and unmotivated.
I hate the happy face I feel like I have to put on so others aren’t uncomfortable. I want to say, “I am sad if you can’t handle it no one is making you talk to me,” but that’s rude so I can’t utter those words.
My mind that used to be sharp and clear is foggy and unfocused. Paying attention is draining and this grief process is exhausting.
My lack of discipline and motivation is frustrating. It takes a huge amount of energy to get up and get moving. It feels great to get things done, but getting there takes so much effort.
As I said before I want my joy back. All I can do is pray. Only God can fulfill all those needs. So I plead with Him to lift me up, fill me up, and help me to live as He wants me to. I’ll pray the same for you.
Love and hugs, Ann