January 21st

Journal entry by Ann— Jan 21, 2018
As you all know this was the last day. I returned to the hospital and the day went on as the others had. It was my turn to stay the night so around 3:30 Scott took some girls home to rest. With in an hour I was calling Scott to come back.
A few of us were in Logan’s room and I could feel a heaviness in the air. Without knowing what was happening I said, “I think everyone needs to get out.” I felt them look at me and then they just walked out. I didn’t look up I just prayed. I called Scott and said you need to come back I don’t think Logan has much time left. All his vitals had dropped. The staff began giving him medicine to get his heart rate stable and his blood pressure back up. He was crashing. His body had enough. The nurse told me his body couldn’t take this for long. The medicines were only a bandage that would eventually not hold. Scott left immediately to drive back to us and my sister went to get the younger girls. I prayed for Logan to hold on until they could all say goodbye. When they arrived I noticed my youngest now had the flu. Poor thing was sitting on a couch across the room throwing up while her brother was dying. I felt horrible for her, but I thought maybe this was God’s way of sparing her from standing by the bed experiencing something she wasn’t going to be able to handle.
The room was peaceful. I know that seems odd, but it was. It must have been because Jesus was with us. We prayed, talked, and played a few songs. We even had a few laughs. This may seem strange and impossible, but when your telling Logan stories a smile will easily cross your lips. He brought laughter and fun to our house. Though he always was the police officer making sure everyone was doing or saying the right thing. I loved his mind and how it worked. He was an idea guy and told you all the ways you should do things even if you weren’t asking.
We all stood around his bed sharing in this painful moment. It wasn’t long until his body crashed again. I remember giving him one last hug and telling him you don’t have to be strong any more it’s okay to go home. Shortly after he passed away. It was 7:11 P.M. to be exact.
The girls all walked down the hall while Scott and I hugged. Then he said now we have to plan a funeral. I forgot about that part. How are you supposed to do all that when your heart is completely shattered. We went down the hall and hugged those who were waiting and told them he was gone.
We went back in the room I gently laid the sheet over Logan. I couldn’t bare to look at him, he already looked different. Then Scott and I began to pack up the room. We had so much packed in that tiny space. We talked with the staff, thanked them for all their care, and loaded the cars. It felt so strange to be driving home with out him. When We got home we unloaded everything and then just sat staring around the room. I think we were all in shock. It all seemed so unreal. We all went to bed, but I know rest didn’t come for me.
A piece of me was missing. The baby that I had birthed was gone. He didn’t get a chance to grow up, marry, or have babies if his own. He would have been a great husband and daddy. I always joked with him that he was going to have 19 girls and one boy! After all he was excellent with girls! He said as long as they all liked knives, being outside, and hunting they would be fine.
Though there was sadness and grief there was also relief that he was home. He would know pure joy, true peace, and the warmth of being in his Heavenly Fathers arms. No pain for him, his body and mind would be fully restored. Thank you Lord for sparing Logan a life confined to a bed while having no clarity of his mind.
I am quite sure Logan heard God say,
“Well done good and faithful servant.”