Pictures

Journal entry by Ann— Jan 9, 2019
There are things you do every day and don’t think a second thought about like opening the refrigerator. In doing this I usually look at all the pictures before I open the door. Yesterday I went to get an item out of the refrigerator and paused to scan the pictures realizing I haven’t done this in awhile. I had been just looking down because sometimes it’s just too painful to see Logan’s smiling face. Especially the pics with his good buddies joining him.
In knowing these are the last pictures he will ever have taken stabs at my heart. There will be no new ones comparing his growth from last year or capturing some crazy thing he is doing. These will be no more pictures of him proudly holding a squirrel by the tail that he had gotten. Or that mischievous smile across his face when he was caught looking on Amazon for new knives to order while supposed to be doing his school.
The girls will grow, change, and mature. They will all eventually pass him up in age. (Lord willing) They will hopefully get to add family pictures with their own babies to my collection on the refrigerator. He will remain the same, frozen in time. Seeing a picture of Logan warms my heart and crushes it all in the same moment.
There are so many conflicting emotions that try to pair themselves up, but they just don’t mesh. Sadness and happiness are opposites and they definitely don’t attract. Anger and contentment don’t work well together. And I always say joy and sorrow Are not friends, though they try to exist at the same time. Experiencing these emotions all at once causes chaos and confusion in your brain. It can be too much to sort out and can be very overwhelming.
Have patience for those you know that are grieving the loss of a loved one. It is so difficult. There are reminders all around of what they have lost and things show up unexpectedly which weighs down an already hurting heart. Just when you think hey, today I might be good a grief door opens and slams you in the face. Comfort those around you with love, support, and prayers. Hugs, Ann