Final

Journal entry by Ann— Nov 6, 2017
On October 29th, 2017, we went to the cemetery and placed Logan’s grave marker. I hate writing that. Everything in me want to fight that wording because I wish so deeply that I didn’t have to say those words and that it wasn’t real. My heart wants to clean it up and say we got Logan’s stone today and put it over at his place.
I know it’s real. I know it happened. I know my son is gone. I don’t like that we are in this place of grief. I don’t like that I have to see my girls in pain. I don’t like that my husband doesn’t have his son here. I don’t like that his friends are hurting and miss him. I don’t like the empty feeling of my arms that are aching to snuggle my boy. I don’t like any of this.
Though I don’t like it I accept it. I know God is perfect, His plans are perfect, and He sees the big picture and knows what best for us. There are times that He doesn’t intervene and that has a purpose too. I have to hold tight to His promises and that He knows me better than I know myself. God’s love for me is so great He is my only comfort. Only He can soothe my ache, ease my pain, and calm my thoughts. In reading the Bible I am comforted by His words of encouragement. I am covered by His unending love and bathed in His grace and mercy. Oh God, use my life, my pain, my sorrow, and my joy to bless others and show them the love of Jesus no matter what the circumstances
There are days when I hear news of someone’s loss and my heart breaks for them and I think how will they endure this loss I can’t imagine what they are going through. And then my brain harshly reminds my heart that I do know. I can imagine. I am there too.
Everywhere we look reminds us of Logan and everywhere we look we are also reminded of his absence. Please don’t expect us to pick up where we left off, move on, and not be affected by this great loss. He is always on our minds, present during every conversation, and the first thing we think about when we wake up. If you have experienced a great loss you know exactly what I am talking about. If you have no understanding of this then you have been spared a grief that most words can not describe. Please have patience with us. When we are unable to do something because its seems too overwhelming or reminds us of Logan, please extend extra grace.
And most of all please don’t stop talking about him. We need to hear his name, your stories, and that you miss him too. We wish he was here to join us in every moment and we don’t want him to be forgotten. Don’t be afraid to talk about him if our tears come it’s just an abundance of love leaking out our eyes.
If you think about us or are praying for us don’t be afraid to say or text it. We take comfort in knowing that you are there and we aren’t forgotten.
Thank you for all the love that has been given to us there is no way to show how great our appreciation is.
Love and hugs sent from me to you. Ann