burial

Journal entry by Ann — Apr 24, 2017
On January 21st when Logan passed away I thought it’s finished then Scott said, “Now we plan the funeral.” The thought of that made me cry more than what we had gone through that week. As my mind drifted to what would have to take place the following week to prepare a service my heart became overwhelmed with the realization of the huge loss we had experienced. We made it through that week, survived the funeral, and have been figuring out how to live without our sweet boy. There is only one way to explain how we have been able to do this, God. As I have said before He has lifted us up and carried us through especially on days we didn’t think we would be able to handle. Every day we are reminded of new things we miss about him. Most of the time it is something I wouldn’t have thought would trigger an emotion so there are surprises around every corner. Who would have thought that walking down the chip aisle at Walmart would bring tears to your eyes. Logan would never turn down a chip especially if you had jalepeno cheese dip! We gave him 3 cans in his Christmas stocking!
Many people keep saying I don’t know how you are doing this I can’t even imagine going through what you are going through. Well, we never thought this would be us either. We could never have imagined that we would be enduring the deep pain and loss of losing a child.

Yesterday, we buried Logan at the cemetery just down the road from our house. Another difficult day that we never thought about experiencing. As we stood there all I could think is I can’t believe this is happening and I don’t want to be without my boy. Why do we have to lose our precious boy, why him, why us? Then I thought why not us, why would we be the ones that deserved to be spared. So when we got home I looked up the death rate and it said 151,600 people die each day. Which made me think even more why am I more worthy to keep my family intact that someone else. Everyone is walking around with some kind of burden or pain that they are carrying. Which should make us all more patient and loving with others. We never know what someone is experiencing. We all have a story hand written by God himself and no matter how difficult it is we are not alone. He is right beside us, draw into Him. He longs to hear from us.

God has reminded me that He has Logan under His wing and in His loving arms. I take great comfort in knowing that Logan loves God, believes in Jesus, gave his heart over, and was willing to live his life to serve God no matter what. As I grieve this deep loss of my son I also take great comfort in knowing he is experiencing God up close and personal. It warms my heart to think he is whole, experiencing pure joy, and enveloped in a love that we could never even imagine, a love that I am not even capable of giving Logie.

Lord, please dry up our tears, ease our hearts, give us strength, and be our great comforter. Love and hugs, Ann